January 30th?! Are you kidding me?!

I suck. arghh... and now to catch up on the last month... where did I leave off..

(to make a long story short - we have a lot of catching up to do..)

I got the tank, got inseminated, came home, K tried back-to-back ICI's, I did an ICI the next day all of which resulted in zero babies.  Which resulted in a mini (maybe major) Jean breakdown.  It was scary.
I didn't stop crying for about 5 days.  I went to work and sobbed in my office, I sobbed in the shower, in the car, watching tv... it became my new norm.  K was nervous, my sister A was nervous... I was nervous.. it was a scary time.  I have never felt so low in my life.  We couldn't really afford to keep going, I was breaking down.. things were falling apart.  I was falling apart.

And then the phone rang.  My sister, A, was crying.. she was devastated the process was taking so much out of us and felt helpless.. she wanted to do something, anything to help.  And as an early birthday present, she bought 2 vials for my next cycle.  The money was coming from our grandfathers retirement account and K and I figured if any cycle might work, it might as well be this one.  So we bought the 2 vials and waited for my surge.

Things were looking up.

With vials for one.more.cycle.  We decided we would begin the adoption process.  we always said we wanted to adopt, we just figured we would do it after we both satisfied our biological needs and seeing as that wasn't going as quickly or as easily as we had expected, and adoption takes a year or so, we figured there was no harm in starting the process and if if we did get knocked up (praise god) we would put the adoption process on hold.  So, we submitted our paperwork and things started to look up.  We went to a meeting, talked a lot about the type of child we would like to welcome into our lives and began to regroup...

Things were looking up.