The good, the bad, the best, and the (not-so)ugly.

Today is officially day 29 of my cycle and although I am never late, I am officially 1.5 days late.  Not that I think this 'means' anything... I think my cycle is a bit messed up from the clomid.  I have some catching up to do...

The Bad... (I know this isn't in order.. I am taking artistic liberties)
I took the clomid, I had a pain, the pain persisted, I went to the Dr.  She told me my ovary was swollen and (gasp!) I probably had cysts and I would have to take the next cycle off.  I went for an ultrasound and found there is nothing wrong, a bit of fluid.
The Good
Not only do I not have to take the next cycle off, for pesky fluid but I was also able to catch a rare glimpse of my uterus!! YEA!!!  Why is this such a big deal?  Well...
The (not-so) Ugly
A few years ago I had a late miscarriage and was informed, hours after I was told 'there is no heartbeat', that I had a 'heart-shaped' uterus and it should never affect my chances of getting or staying pregnant.  Unfortunately, I was in no shape to ask questions at the time. I was a blubbering mess, positive the doctor was just telling me this news to file it away and in fact it was much worse than he was letting on. Fast forward to now... we are trying to get pregnant and I have, of course, conducted countless hours of on-line research and found this condition, a bi-cornate uterus, is actually pretty significant.  It causes a substantial increase in miscarriages and if you can stay pregnant, you almost always have to have a c-section.  So of course the notion of a screwed up uterus and a higher than normal chance of having another miscarriage has been resting on my shoulders like Dodge Ram.  It wasn't anything I could shake and I was overly concerned that when I DID get knocked up, I would spend the first few months freaking out that my 'condition' was super bad... because WHO get's to see their uterus, like ever?!  I would have to wait until my first ultrasound to see the damaged goods for myself.. and perhaps by then, it would be too late.  but I did!!!  I saw it!!!! and it is 'perfect'!!! My ultrasound tech said is might be ever so slightly heart shaped and with all the tiny eggs just waiting in both ovaries, I should have NO problems getting pregnant!!!

Phew - are you caught up?

So while I am 99% certain this cycle didn't work I am A-OK with it!! Because it gave me the opportunity to look inside and assure myself I am ok.. something no one else could have done.  I needed to see it for myself.  No Turkey Jerky here!!

The Best
I have an amazingly good feeling about this next cycle.  I think perhaps my concern was prohibiting me from getting pregnant.  I know I should be sad I am out this month but my heart is go darned happy to know I am ok, there is no room for sadness.

chinese food and chicken wings..

Although we had no plans to do so, last night K and I hit up a few stores to participate in this thing called black friday... we scored a FABULOUS commercial blender (I am drinking a delicious strawberry, blueberry, OJ smoothie right now! mmm!!!), some sneakers for K, a couple baby outfits (we can't resist..), and a bunch of stocking 'stuff' for Grace.  The blender was for me.. so I would stop buying 10.00 organic smoothies on my way to work, justifying it because I no longer bring a cup of coffee for the long commute.  It was on sale 50%!  Then, exhausted ;) we went to grab a beer and play some Keno.  Oh I should mention we have all this 'extra' money from our refinance - we finally got the check for the escrow and we decided to celebrate all of our hard work through the refi!  We deserved it!  After increasing our home by $65,000 and dropping our monthly payments by $150.00 (thereby reducing our loan by $75,000 over the life of the loan!!!), not to mention how absolutely crazy life has been working on the house non-stop for the past year... we totally deserved a little splurge!!

So we went to Chinese food and chicken wings, as we like to call it.  a little dive bar in Raynham which, although dive-y, has wonderful memories for us as it was one bar (out of MANY) that we sat in with napkins and calculators and tried to decide on our perfect home.  It was, in fact, the bar we were in when we decided to put in a bid for what was to become our first home!  So we went for a quick beer and Keno.. I played my numbers.. the only numbers I have played since K and I decided on our wedding date, and K played 'the 5's'.  About 15 min into our beer, the 5's started popping up.. and kept on coming.. we both stared at the screen, not saying anything, not wanting to 'jinx' it and when the final number popped up, we both exhaled.. there they were, seven out of eight 5's... being a pretty sketchy place, we just smiled at each other with wide eyes and K grabbed a card to see what we won.  ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! WOOO-HOOO!!!! we both laughed and laughed and smiled and laughed (and sent a text to Aimee who informed us she was at Jeff's reunion and was the 'best looking there..' love her.)

So today, we are taking our winnings and are off to look at baby furniture!!! We already picked out what we think we want but we are going to check out a new place and make sure! 

Isn't life wonderful?!!

black Friday? more like sunny, beautiful Friday to me!

The waiting is over!  Well... THAT waiting, at least :)  My surge happened right on time, day 14 (Wednesday) at 11am.  I took a chance and called Doctor Levine and asked if maybe is there anyway he could squeeze me in.. expecting he would say 'no' because he has a strict policy to call at 9am for an IUI that day.  But, he must have been in the holiday spirit because he said... 'run' :)  It worked our perfectly as Kerri had a half day and was nearly to the exit so I called her, grabbed her a change of clothes, Grace and hit the road with a HUGE smile!!  We had our first IUI on Wednesday around 1pm, exactly 2 hours after my surge showed up (there was nothing at 9am).  We spent the afternoon in Davis Square, hitting up pub where we had our first date and then headed home.  It was a wonderful, surprise afternoon!!

Thanksgiving morning, which also happens to be K's late mom's birthday we went in, bright an early, for the second IUI.  We left the house at 8:15 and didn't hit the brakes once!  No traffic!!  Dr. Levine said everything looked great and we were out the door in 20 min.  We went directly to the cemetery to get good vibes from Patsy and then treated ourselves to one of the best bloody Mary's I have ever had - complete with a visit from K's 2 older brothers.  From there, it was onto my father-in-laws where we watched the Pat's with K's sister and fiance.  Then it was onto my sister and brother-in-laws for a surprisingly really good meal :)  (A doesn't cook - ever.) and then home and in bed by 9pm.  All in all it was a prefect 2 days...

and now the REAL waiting begins!!  Happy sunny, yellow (albeit rainy) Friday!!

cd 14 and still waiting...

waiting seems to be a theme here... Today is day 14 of my cycle and I always surge in day 14 but this morning, there was barely a line.  This is good though.. it means I will most likely surge tomorrow which is thanksgiving!! Now THAT is something to be thankful for!  and K will be able to come to the IUI with me.. the fact that she wouldn't be there, had I gone in today, was kind of freaking me out.  As a teacher she couldn't take the day off before a holiday.  I was a little anxious about the possibility of getting knocked up alone! Tomorrow is K's (late) mom's birthday so wouldn't it be wonderful... But we find a reason each month would 'be wonderful' so it is best not too look into it so much :)

We still don't have our Thanksgiving plans nailed down - we get excited to host..a party, a holiday.. and then the crucial moment comes.. sending out the information.. and we stall until it is too late.  I love our quite, warm home... hosting stresses me out.  I need to go shopping, though, in case we do host my sister and brother-in-law.  I don't feel very 'holiday'... I think it is all the waiting.  K and I have decided to go hiking on Black Friday.. well.. unless I go in for a 2nd IUI, I guess.. erg.  I feel like I am dwelling with all this waiting, but it really does throw a wrench this thing called life.. planning around the illusive hormone surge..

What you can't do..
Bathe
Swim
Hike
Run
go to the gym
drink

what is allowed...
waiting
waiting
waiting....

Waiting is the hardest part...

Today I am on day 12 of my cycle.  I actually just pulled up my work calendar to check.. as if the day of my cycle isn't the first thing I think about when I wake up... So here I am on day 12 of my first clomid round and I am nervous as a cat about what happens 'next'.  Normally what happens 'next' is I start, that's right, I START testing, knowing full well my LH surge will show up on day 14 but alas... now that we tripped headlong into the world of fertility drugs... I have been testing since day 5.  Already it has cost us over 125.00... erg.  And so I trucked to CVS this morning for about 65.00 worth of test strips to see nothing. like, nothing, nothing.  No line.  and so I freak out again... If I were even a hint of rational I would realize I NEVER have a line this early... but rational, I am not and so I anxiously await the next test.. I am paranoid I will miss it, paranoid I will screw up my cycle, and even more paranoid that it will work and we will end up with quads.. I mean, it DOES happen... and then there is the ethical question about what to do... but there I go again, cart firmly placed before the horse.. let's get a positive LH surge before we consider offing the kids, huh?